STEPHEN • Colbert Fudge has been the center of much debate, mainly because it is one of the few recipes from my mom, and she never wrote it down. She just eyeballed it. For example, while we kids might say “3 to 6 tablespoons of butter,” Mom would say “a piece of butter about the size of a medium egg.” I didn’t know eggs came in medium.
        I don’t think it would hurt my mother’s feelings to say that she was not a great cook. Eleven children did not leave much time to do much more than open a box of cereal and walk around the table, shaking it like a momma bird into our upturned mouths. But Mom could make this fudge, which is different from the soft bricks sold at tourist traps everywhere. (Why is fudge associated with vacation? Because after eating fudge, the idea of being productive seems impossible?) This fudge is somewhat grainy, not creamy, and the texture has more snap than traditional fudge. You’ll know you have the texture right when the fudge breaks just a bit crisper than a peppermint patty. You’ll know you have the sweetness right if, when you scrape it against your teeth, you think, “I should see a dentist.”

 

EVIE • This Colbert Fudge is a deeply held secret family receipt. So secret, in fact, that none of Stephen’s siblings can agree on exactly how it is made. In an effort to be as democratic as possible, and to preserve family harmony, we solicited advice from Stephen’s brothers and sisters. As per usual with the Colbert clan, each sibling had the correct answer, which they gave in their own particular style (see Ed’s use of decimals!), and all the others were wrong! We tried lots of versions and the winner is listed last here. (A blend of Mary’s and Ed’s, I think.) This fudge is delicious, a power punch of sugary sweetness. Good luck, and whatever you do…don’t let Jim, Ed, Mary, Margo, Tom, Jay, Lulu, or Stephen know which one you prefer. 

 

Margo’s DEFINITIVE RECIPE FOR COLBERT FUDGE

Margo: “There’s always time for fudge…”

4 squares unsweetened chocolate
3/4 cup sugar
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup milk
6 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Directions

Combine the chocolate, sugar, brown sugar, and milk in a saucepan. Melt the chocolate and stir often until the mixture forms a SOFT BALL in cold water (see my tip!). Remove from the heat and stir in the butter and vanilla. Stir briskly until glossy. Pour into a buttered dish. Enjoy.

Margo’s tips: Don’t forget about the “soft ball” test in cold water! For fudge sauce: Cook less and do not add the butter and vanilla.

 

Ed’s DEFINITIVE RECIPE FOR COLBERT FUDGE

1.5 cups granulated sugar (extra-fine if you can get it, but Domino’s will do)
.75 cup packed light brown sugar
.5 cup milk (can use any level of fat, whole, 2%, 1%, or skim; it affects cooking time and richness, so I recommend 2%)
4 squares Baker’s unsweetened chocolate
3 to 4 tablespoons unsalted butter (or margarine) 
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Directions

Add the sugars and milk to a saucepan and melt together over low but direct heat. Add the chocolate and bring to a low boil. Stir regularly to avoid sticking and burning. Use a wooden spoon. 

Continue to cook until the fudge creates a HARD BALL when dropped into cool water. If the ball is too soft, you have a terrific hot fudge sauce which will turn to a hard shell if poured over cold ice cream. For fudge, it needs to be a hard ball, but that just means it creates a defined drop and not a “spread out” drop. 

Remove from the heat and stir in the butter and vanilla. I recommend cutting the butter into two or more chunks to speed the melting process. Whisk or stir vigorously while the butter is melting, and the vanilla will boil off its alcohol very quickly. Pour immediately into a buttered baking dish (ceramic or glass preferred). Do not forget to let one child lick the wooden spoon and the other scrape out the pan while the fudge is still warm. Let stand until hard, then cut and enjoy. 

Will last for several days if stored tightly covered. Will dry out and harden if left out. 

 

Mary’s DEFINITIVE RECIPE FOR COLBERT FUDGE

1 1/2 cups granulated sugar
1/2 cup milk
4 squares unsweetened chocolate
4 tablespoons (1/2 stick) unsalted butter, plus more for the pan
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Directions

Bring the sugar, milk, and chocolate to a boil, stirring.

Cook the syrup until it reaches the SOFT BALL stage (not hard ball). Test the syrup in cool, not cold, water.

Remove from the heat and beat in the butter and vanilla until the syrup is glossy. Pour into a buttered 8 x 8 pan.

The finished fudge should have a grainy texture.

 

Stephen’s DEFINITIVE RECIPE FOR COLBERT FUDGE

4 tablespoons (1/2 stick) salted butter, plus more for the pan
1 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup milk
4 squares Baker’s unsweetened chocolate
Vanilla extract

Directions

Butter an 8-inch square cake pan.

Stir the sugars, milk, and chocolate together in a medium saucepan. Bring to a boil, stirring constantly, and then stop stirring. Boil until about halfway between the soft ball and hard ball stage—what I call the “firm ball” stage. You’re not looking for a hard, brittle ball, but more like the texture of that blue stuff that you use to stick things to the wall. Test often. If the mix dissolves when you drop it in the water, you have a way to go. If it forms a string, you’re close. Keep a close eye on it from there. 

Immediately remove from the heat and add the 4 tablespoons butter and a capful of vanilla; beat until shiny. Pour into the prepared pan. 

Let the fudge set someplace cool for a few hours before cutting into squares. Or break it into pieces. Store the fudge in an airtight container at room temperature for days.

 

THE DEFINITIVE, DEFINITIVE RECIPE FOR COLBERT FUDGE (THE ONE THAT COUNTS)

4 tablespoons (1/2 stick) salted butter, plus more for the pan
1 1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup whole milk
4 squares (2 ounces) Baker’s unsweetened chocolate
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Directions

Set a glass of cool water and the 4 tablespoons butter next to the stove. (see the sidebar.) 

Butter an 8-inch square cake pan and set it aside.

Stir the sugar, milk, and chocolate together in a medium saucepan over medium heat and bring to a boil, stirring occasionally. Once the syrup is boiling, stop stirring. Boil until about halfway between the soft ball and hard ball stage, aka “firm ball” stage. (Non-Colberts may use a candy thermometer and cook the syrup to 246°F.)

Immediately remove the pan from the heat and add the butter and vanilla; beat vigorously until the fudge is shiny and thickened a little. Pour into the prepared pan. 

Let the fudge set someplace cool for a few hours before cutting into squares. Store in an airtight container at room temperature for days.